My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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