you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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