Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
