i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
