I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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