Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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