For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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