I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
