Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
