Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
