I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
