his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
