I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The best revenge is premature balding
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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