i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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