so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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