i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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