the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
