I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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