you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
