You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
