she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You ruined the universe
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
