turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
