I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
