Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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