Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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