yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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