Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
