Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
