I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
