Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
