is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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