if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
