it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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