OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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