I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
