Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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