Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
