We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
