i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
