How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
