Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
