Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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