Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
