All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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