Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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