NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
