No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
