you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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