anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
