I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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