Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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