Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
