PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
