Umm I'm too high to move.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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