I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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